To Have or Not to Have
So here we go - my first post as a married man!
Seeing how I've been married for 10 days now, I thought it would be appropriate to touch on a topic that married couples involved in full time ministry will inevitably encounter: the choice of whether or not to have children and the effect that this will have on their involvement and roles in full time ministry.
I've had several conversations over the past few years about this, and it seems that my thoughts aren't exactly in line with what a lot of evangelical (and definitely not catholic) Christians believe.
My wife and I have decided to remain childless for a season, and possibly forever, in order to focus our attention more fully, with as few distractions and restrictions as possible, on the ministry in which we believe God has called us.
I am under the opinion that as believers we are called to willingly lay down all of the rights that we seemingly believe we have, in order to more fully follow and serve Christ, having children being one of them. I believe that there is a place for some married couples to commit to remaining childless, in order to more fully focus on ministry.
I do believe that having and raising children is a ministry in itself, but I also believe that raising children and family-life have become to elevated of a thing in our present western evangelical society and culture, at the expense of pioneering new and challenging ministries.
The choice to remain childless is huge, but isn't it one that Christian married couples who are involved in full time ministry should be open to considering? I am under the opinion that if we truly want to see the Gospel spread and take root in the most dark and difficult places on earth, it will take some married couples being willing to remain childless for a period of time in order to pioneer ministries in these areas and places.
More posts on married life to come soon, but in the meantime I'd love to hear any of your thoughts regarding the idea of Christian couples remaining childless in order to more fully focus on ministry.
Peace,
M. Pascal
Seeing how I've been married for 10 days now, I thought it would be appropriate to touch on a topic that married couples involved in full time ministry will inevitably encounter: the choice of whether or not to have children and the effect that this will have on their involvement and roles in full time ministry.
I've had several conversations over the past few years about this, and it seems that my thoughts aren't exactly in line with what a lot of evangelical (and definitely not catholic) Christians believe.
My wife and I have decided to remain childless for a season, and possibly forever, in order to focus our attention more fully, with as few distractions and restrictions as possible, on the ministry in which we believe God has called us.
I am under the opinion that as believers we are called to willingly lay down all of the rights that we seemingly believe we have, in order to more fully follow and serve Christ, having children being one of them. I believe that there is a place for some married couples to commit to remaining childless, in order to more fully focus on ministry.
I do believe that having and raising children is a ministry in itself, but I also believe that raising children and family-life have become to elevated of a thing in our present western evangelical society and culture, at the expense of pioneering new and challenging ministries.
The choice to remain childless is huge, but isn't it one that Christian married couples who are involved in full time ministry should be open to considering? I am under the opinion that if we truly want to see the Gospel spread and take root in the most dark and difficult places on earth, it will take some married couples being willing to remain childless for a period of time in order to pioneer ministries in these areas and places.
More posts on married life to come soon, but in the meantime I'd love to hear any of your thoughts regarding the idea of Christian couples remaining childless in order to more fully focus on ministry.
Peace,
M. Pascal
posted by Matthew Pascal @ 1:10 PM
10 comments
10 Comments:
Pascal,
I am not married, but will be in 116 days. I read what you wrote and have considered it. I certainly believe that some couples are called to remain childless. But I do not think that the decision is any more arbitrary than deciding whether or not to go into ministry in the first place. You are where you are because of God's calling. Not simply because you wanted to leave the states. And your decision whether or not to have children will best be decided by the Lord. God is sovereign. You were born in TN, you went to the Citadel (briefly) (had to), you went on the ship, you left the states, you got married and you are about to either have children or not have children. But God wrote this story long ago. All you can do is walk with him.
I don't mean to over theologize this question. But this is a matter of perspective. Whether to have kids or not have kids is God's choice. And he can just as easily use you two with kids as he can without kids.
Do you really want to allow logisitics to plan your family for you rather than Christ?
Disclaimer: Its midnight and I am tired. If I offended you? grace please.
Street,
First off, congratulations on your upcoming marriage! Blessings on the last few months of preparation--they are crazy but good times.
Regarding the choice to have or not have children, I think that this isn't always such a black and white issue in knowing God's will. I have heard of very, very few instances where God clearly tells people that it is time to have children or time to not have children. Most often, it seems that couples become pregnant either: a) by accident; b) out of a "we're not trying but we're not NOT trying" mentality; or c) on the timeline of their choosing. Obviously God, as the creator of all life, is involved in pregnancy no matter how or when it happens. And I think that many of the Christians I know do pray and ask God questions about the timing of such things, and have some measure of peace about when it is time.
I wouldn't say that MP and I entered into this decision thoughtlessly, or out of individual preference because we never want to have children. But I believe that God has given us the freedom to choose some of the more specific details of how we will live out the ministry calling he has given us and the ability to minimize the chance of pregnancy, and in our consideration it is wise to not have children right now.
I think one thing most interesting to me in this debate is that no one in the evangelical world questions a couple who says, "Oh, yes, we definitely want to have children." It is such an expectation for married couples to want children that no one thinks twice about it, or whether or not it is God's will for them. The questioning only happens when you try to go against the norm, against the idea that we are to "be fruitful and multiply" (which I would say has pretty much been taken care of in the past century).
Maybe I didnt make myself clear. I am by no means saying that you are entering this decision haphazardly. I am simply saying that:
1- God will lead you in this decision. His hand will guide. No matter what you do or fail to do.
2- Simply stated- God can and will use you to fulfill his will with or without kids.
3- This isn't a debate. Its a discussion and I certainly am not encouraging one path over another. There are huge benefits to having children in the mission field and there are huge benefits to not having children.
4- The message I am trying to convey is just a reminder. I find it very easy to begin to trivialize life sometimes. As believers we are called to use wisdom in our daily walk, but we are also called to leave things in the Lord's hands.
Finally, if you feel called to remain childless for awhile or forever, I support you 150%. BECAUSE Pascal- I feel like I know your heart pretty well and I know who you seek and who you serve.
Maybe I didnt make myself clear. I am by no means saying that you are entering this decision haphazardly. I am simply saying that:
1- God will lead you in this decision. His hand will guide. No matter what you do or fail to do.
2- Simply stated- God can and will use you to fulfill his will with or without kids.
3- This isn't a debate. Its a discussion and I certainly am not encouraging one path over another. There are huge benefits to having children in the mission field and there are huge benefits to not having children.
4- The message I am trying to convey is just a reminder. I find it very easy to begin to trivialize life sometimes. As believers we are called to use wisdom in our daily walk, but we are also called to leave things in the Lord's hands.
Finally, if you feel called to remain childless for awhile or forever, I support you 150%. BECAUSE Pascal- I feel like I know your heart pretty well and I know who you seek and who you serve.
Hey Street,
Thanks for the great thoughts.
I do agree that ultimately things of this matter are in God's control, and also that God can and does use people greatly who have kids as well as those who are childless. There is no question about that at all.
In actuality, there are several places around the world where having kids would in many ways be a great help in regards to local ministry, due to the cultural norms in some of these countries. So remaining childless will inevitably present some difficulties in ministry as well for many cross-cultural workers.
However, the thing that I am questioning is why more young married couples are not choosing to try and remain childless for a season in order to more fully focus on full time ministry. It seems that most of the time when children come into the picture, one of the parents (usually the mother) stops working for the first several years to stay at home and take care of the child(ren). (I am not at all discounting this, or advocating for full time day care.) I also believe that there are many women and men who are called to and desire to be stay at home parents, and not work or be involved in ministry full time once children enter into their lives. I would never challenge or question anyone who believes that to be their role. What I'm getting at though are the young married couples in which both the husband and the wife feel called to be involved in full time ministry and leadership, and why we don't see more of these couples remaining childless.
I think that when both the husband and the wife are called to and are gifted in these areas, remaining childless could be the best thing for them to do, in order to not pull one of them out of ministry and leadership.
On a somewhat different note - I actually don't like using the term "full-time ministry," because I think this is understood in an inaccurate way. I believe that ALL believers are called to full-time ministry. The Christian businessman working on Wall Street is in full-time ministry just as much as the missionary in Thailand. A woman lawyer is as much in full-time ministry as the nurse who is living in a village in Africa. They all are in full-time ministry, their contexts are simply different.
So in all of this, I am not simply talking about the people involved in what we traditionally view as full-time ministry roles (youth pastor, missionary, campus ministry leaders, etc.), but all believers in general.
Great stuff MP. I wish more people made that choice.
awww, shucks... I was looking forward to some little MP's running around... seriously though, I admire the wise thinking and discipline that goes into this decision. I'm sure it will help you stay focused on the next stage of ministry and keep things very flexible for you for now... say hi to "the wife" for me
Wow, I remember little MP... (and look forward to someday meet the woman who married him).
As you read the Persepctives book, I'm sure you struggled with many of the decsions of the missionaries we have celebrated--it's a difficult area and it generated a lot of questions. We saw God use them and yet the price (6 kids lost to Malaria) was seemingly so high. Tough stuff--glad you're wrestling with it.
However, since I get your blog through bloglines, I got a peak at your next post that is now missing. I named a company recently as well and am still wondering if the company will ever respond (some companies intentionally search for themselves online--some to intimidate, some to resolve bad experiences). So, were you contacted, or are you allowed to say? ;)
Whoa - Crazy stuff Steve...
I actually put that post about RadioShack up but only for like 30 seconds... I meant to only save it as a draft and add a few things later before actually publishing it, but a lot of good that does:-)
I use "site-meter" on my blog and noticed the other day that someone had done a google search for blogs with "radioshack" listed and that person had connected to my blog through a RadioShack ISP... so I guess that goes to prove that RS obviously checks for blogs... However, when they clicked on the link it didn't send them anywhere as the post wasn't actually listed anymore.
But don't worry... as that was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life, and because I believe in free expression even if it blasts certain companies, I'm still wholeheartedly planning on posting it soon! :-)
So, it seems that you are pretty up on all of the perks that bloggers can use and boy lemme tell you, I've got some questions for you (like how can I italicize words when commenting on other people's blogs, how can I do a spell check before posting a comment, some questions about the HTML features when putting external links on my blog, etc.) but I would actually like to have a phone convo so that you could walk me through some of these things if you don't mind...
Actually I wanted to call you last week just to say howdy and to catch up a bit but apparently the phone number I have saved for you in my cell phone is incorrect...
Lemme know if you have some time to chat (about blog stuff but also about life in general...) and if so then could you send me your office (or whatever # is best to reach you at) and sometime early next week maybe we could chat.
Hope you are doing great friend!
MP
totally behind you guys in your decision! the anglican wedding liturgy makes it clear that not all couples are to have children. it has become somewhat of an idolatrous thing among christians...
Post a Comment
<< Home